What struck me about you video was the story it told between the two characters. In the short time you had I felt I was able to glimpse a small bit of these people’s lives. It made me want to go back in my video and possibly add another person to show relationships between characters.
What were you trying to highlight by including those 3 jilted cuts right at the end of your video? Where you take a step forward about 3 times? The rest of the video had smooth cuts and music. Were you trying to say that things weren’t all as they seemed throughout the video?
Have you considered shaving a few seconds off of the two character introductions and the walking scene? You might want to take just a short amount of time off of those scenes in order to add an additional scene, or possibly extend your ending scene.
You could add more emphasis by shifting the colors of certain shots to get a mood across. Especially if you are trying to get across a sly “things aren’t all as they seem” mood. You could then repurpose this video as a very short story (with lots of interpretation) as well as a video portrait of yourself.